Are you a chocaholic ? …. No wonder !

Mr Cadbury met Miss Rowntree on a Double Decker.
It was just After Eight.
They got off at Quality Street.
He asked her name. ‘Polo, I’m the one with the hole’she said with a Wispa.
‘I’m Marathon , the one with the nuts’ he replied.
He touched her Cream Eggs, which was a Kinder Surprise for her.
Then he slipped his hand into her Snickers, which made her Ripple. He fondled her Jelly Babies and she  rubbed his Tic Tacs.
Soon they were Heart Throbs.
It was a Fab moment as she screamed in Turkish Delight.
But, 3 days later, his Sherbet Dip started to itch..
Turns out Miss Rowntree had been with Bertie
Bassett and he had Allsorts

      Contributed by Eileen Holloway
                                           via Mike Scrivener

How Sad !
The day after his wife disappeared in a kayaking accident the man answered his door to find two grim-faced policemen  “We’re sorry Sir, but we have some information about your wife said one.
“Tell me! Did you find her?” Cried the husband.
The policemen looked at each other one said,
“We have some bad news, some good news, and some really great news.
Fearing the worst, the ashen husband said, “Give
me the bad news first.”
The policeman said, “I’m sorry to tell you, sir, but this   morning we found your wife’s body in the bay.”
Oh my God!” exclaimed the husband. Swallowing
hard, then asked, “What’s the good news?”
He continued, “When we pulled her up, she had12        twenty- five pound crabs and 6 good-size lobsters clinging to her.”
Stunned, the husband demanded, “If that’s the good news,what’s the great news?”

The policemen chorused, “We’re going to pull her up again tomorrow.”

Dear Madam,
Thank you for your recent order from our sex toys
website.
You requested the large red vibrator as featured on
our wall display. Kindly select another item,
that happens to be our Fire Extinguisher.
Sincerely..  ..   

Annual dementia quiz,

Q1:You are a participant in a race. You overtake
the second person. What position are you in?
………Did you say the first ?
Wrong! … if you overtake the second person and
take their place, you are in second place!
Q 2: If you overtake the last person in the race,
then you are.....?
answer: if you answered that you are second to
last, then you are wrong again
` Tell me sunshine, how can you overtake the last
person??
Q 3 :this involves some rather tricky arithmetic
note: this must be done in your head only.
Take 1000 and add 40 to it. now add another 1000
now add 30. add another 1000. now add 20 .. add
another 1000. now add 10. what is the total?
Did you get 5000? Check it with a calculator! the
correct answer is actually 4100. not your day, is it?
Maybe you'll get the last question right . . . maybe
Q 4: Mary's father has five daughters: 1. Nana,
2. Nene, 3. Nini, 4. Nono, and 5. ??? What's the
name of the fifth daughter?....... did you answer
Nunu? Her name is Mary! read the question again!
A Chance to redeem yourself:
A mute person goes into a shop and wants to buy a
toothbrush, by imitating the action of brushing his
teeth he successfully expresses himself to the
shopkeeper and the purchase is done.
Next, a blind man comes into the shop who wants
to buy a pair of sunglasses; how does he indicate
what he wants?
It's really very simple. ………….He opens his mouth and asks for it
` Submitted by Ian Swindale.